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Oprah, we have sent Bad Bunny to The Box of Contemplation - Part 8 in a series October 01 2012, 8 Comments

You are by now, dear reader, either completely engrossed or completely comatose by the seemingly never ending game of literary badminton that is unfolding. Either way, The Nursery Staff would like to reassure assure all who wend their way through the afore mentioned digital ramblings, that these are actual correspondences sent to Ms Winfrey, herself. We dare say she has never read them nor even knows of our existence but what fun ensued in their writing....only you and The Nursery Staff know!

Dear Miss Winfrey,

The relentless pursuit of your good self by our errant Bunny is now becoming beyond reproach. In an effort to impede any further untoward ramblings being inflicted on your most celebrated person, we have assigned Bad Bunny to the Box of Contemplation for the duration.

Please do not fret, this is in no way a tool of torture, but merely what it claims to be - a box upon which to contemplate one’s actions.

We again find ourselves in the regrettable position of feeling the need to apologise for the aforesaid relentless ramblings from our Bad Bunny, and again, by way of good will (with perhaps just a hint of one’s attempt to ingratiate one’s self to you) we enclose a wee gift for your pleasure.

Nanny Pickle takes much delight in creating her gorgeous collections and in the process hopes to educate all and sundry in the ways of proper etiquette and good old fashioned manners. It is clear however, in the case of Bad Bunny, these attempts are oft ill-conceived.

Yours in most extreme humility,

Au Pair Shannon (First Hired) and Au Pair Jennine (Hired out of Desperation)

(See below for confirmation of Bad Bunny's ostracism to The Box of Contemplation)

 


"We feel we may be in need of legal assistance" - Part 6 in a series of "How we wooed Oprah"....well kind of. August 01 2012, 0 Comments

Hang on in there, it is nearly all over. As we move towards the end of this literary quagmire, we start to see the tables turn ever so slightly. Are the Au Pairs really asking for Camp Winfrey to fold and publicly acknowledge said Bunny? Surely they would not stoop to such depths as to seek endorsement of some kind from the Queen of TV herself? Has Nanny Pickle taught them nothing? It would appear that much has gone in one ear and out the other in this instance. O, hark, the sounds of desperation ensue.

Dear Miss Winfrey,

We feel, at this point, we may be needing the services of someone in the law fraternity. I believe you refer to them as “attorneys”. The familiar manner our endearing Bad Bunny is adopting with his correspondence with your good self is becoming rather worrisome. Please do understand he is in no way dangerous, or indeed stalker like. He is only two, and in his imaginative two year old mind, he does indeed have a true and meaningful friendship with you.

In no way can he understand that he is merely a bunny far from the ilk of your most celebrated self. Although we do try to teach him the value of modesty and humility, these words are not ones that fall easily from his tongue, nor sit easily on his shoulders. For in his fancy, he is of world renown – much loved, adored, adulated and worshiped.

Thus, his bold and impudent advances are merely as a result of his whimsy. If it should please you, we do believe we can put a halt to his postings if you did in some way acknowledge his past missives. If Bad Bunny were indeed able to boast to his Meadow Friends (who are not actually real) that he has had a direct correspondence from you, we may well be able to put to rest his incessant badgering of you. (Indeed, it would be of great solace to us all, as to not have to listen to his ramblings of all you have in common…).

Should you find it in your heart to calm the frayed nerves of two very strained Au Pairs, perhaps even a mention of him on your highly anticipated show when you are on our fair shores of Australia, or indeed a brief mention of him in your most celebrated of magazines – O Magazine. For Bad Bunny, the likes of such accession would without doubt, be as exciting as meeting Santa.

 

Yours in much modesty,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

(More product sent....yadda, yadda, yadda. Met with the same enthusiasm as all previous gifts bestowed unto the Harpo Studios....stone cold silence she blows!)

 


"On bended knee we apologise, Oprah" - Part 4 in a series June 06 2012, 0 Comments

As we work our way through the quagmire that is the Great Oprah Debacle we begin to observe an emerging pattern; a quid pro quo or a literary meeting of the minds, as the Au Pairs attempt to placate what they fear may well be the "quiet before the perfect storm". After all, Camp Winfrey had made no response to date. Were they gathering their army and planning their attack? Only time will tell.....

 

Dear Miss Winfrey,

 

Again we correspond with you on matters that fill us with deep shame and embarrassment. 

Since our last missives it has come to our attention that our wee charge, Bad Bunny, has been relentless in his profferrings to the world of his believed audience with your good self upon your arrival to Australia.

To make matters infinitely worse, we find he has attempted direct correspondence, by way of mail, in a most forward and immodest manner.

You see, being of his age, his narcissistic streak, to put it mildly, is rather wide – more of a gaping cavern than a mere streak. In his fancy he does truly believe someone of your distinction and stature would indeed be honoured to have high tea with him, or for that matter, engage in the most base of board games – Twister.

For all the aforementioned, we can only offer our profuse apologies and endeavour, as best we mere Au Pairs can, to waylay his advances.

As a gesture of humility and respect we enclose a wee gift crafted from our and Nanny Pickle’s hands.

 

Yours in humility,

Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon

PS: We are extremely mortified Bad Bunny made reference to your most intimate nickname for one's most private of worlds in his last communication to you. For it was to our best knowledge that Bad Bunny was having his Nursery nap when we viewed that particular episode of your eponymous show.


Bad Bunny's rite of reply: "We are so alike in our fame, Oprah" - Part 3 in a series May 30 2012, 1 Comment

It would seem that at this stage the Au Pairs were naive to believe that their letter writing would stop Bad Bunny in his tracks. It would appear that it had quite the opposite effect. Seeing how thoroughly lovely Au Pair Shannon's hand writing was, Bad Bunny decided to put paw to paper himself and send Oprah a wee token of his appreciation of his own. And so begins a series of literary parrying and retreats that will obviously only end in tears and an increase in Australia Post's profits.
Dear Miss Winfrey,
It is with great joy that I can inform you that, although I am only a 2 year old Bunny, I am completely literate in both the written word and computer type speaking. 
I have just at this moment, accidentally, steamed open a letter from Au Pairs Shannon and Jennine, to your fair self. 
All I can say is that they are ill-informed and their apologies unfounded and unnecessary.
Spending many long hours with the Au Pairs in The Nursery at lunch times I have had the great pleasure of watching your show. Apart from being occasionally confused about some things….I keep trying to smile into my verjayjay to make it happy. I only tend to wear berets…a verjayjay is some type of  Spanish headwear is it not?
Anyway, I digress; watching many hours of your delightful program has led me to believe that if you wish it you can make it happen.
I know that you have been dying to meet me. So if you wish hard enough we can make it happen….together. Like the friends we are. 
I am, at this moment, putting the finishing touches to the high tea I am planning for your trip to Australia. I have some great prizes for pass the parcel. What about Twister? Would that be appropriate?
Let me know what your favourite things are and I will attempt to have some of them ready for your arrival. Or, if you trust me perhaps you would like to take home some of my favourite things…I’ll make you a list to see what you fancy.
Yours in great anticipation,
Bad Bunny
PS: Are you bringing Doctor Oz? Is he Australian or related to that famous Wizard? I’m just curious.
PPS: I enclose a token gift for your pleasure. As you can see, it bears my likeness proudly. For, just as are you, I am a very famous Bunny. (Not that you are a Bunny of course, but famous).
(Small token gift equated to many pieces of Nanny Pickle clothing featuring, naturally, Bad Bunny himself . He had, of course, signed everything in permanent marker....to add value. After all, Bad Bunny is so very famous and Oprah may hit the skids one day and need to sell a few things on ebay to keep food on the table for herself and Stedman.)