Mischief abounds in the childrenswear department of Harvey Nichols August 15 2014, 11 Comments
Hello dear reader,
It is with some trepidation we post this latest installation in our blog (oh, how we detest that word) announcing the arrival of the latest collection from Nanny Pickle into the hallowed halls of Harvey Nichols, London.
Why be nervous of such a celebratory occasion, I hear you ask?
Well, as you know, Nanny Pickle has in her charge a wee bairn formerly known as Bad Bunny. We say formerly, for you see, when Nanny was off visiting Mr Edward Smythe-Edwards, purveyor of fine meats, for her weekly purchase of best Cumberland sausages, Bad Bunny took himself off to the Department of Names and Such and changed his name by deed poll to…wait for it…Pop. We can only hazard a guess as to why he chose that name. Possibly comes from the fact he loves to eat beans of the baked kind?
However, we digress as to the reason for trepidation, not celebration.
Well, you see, Pop (formerly known as Bad Bunny), did insist on accompanying said collection to London and ensuring the lovely sales assistants, in their perfectly ironed, buttoned down crisp white blouses, displayed Nanny's goods in an appropriate manner.
We here at the coalface of the business are worried you see, because he insisted on packing his glue gun, boxes of glitter and sequins, permanent markers (neon, of course) and a rather large papier maché pink flamingo in order to "style" the collection.
He also offered to take control of the instore loudspeaker system to announce to all and sundry, said arrival and subsequent stunning display of the collection created by his own artistic paw.
More importantly, he felt, was the announcement that his most striking resemblance was featured on many of the styles in the collection, and that this would indeed be of most interest to the stylish customers of Harvey Nichols (he also forewarned the security guards to be on high alert once this announcement was made as it would be sure to cause instore hysteria in the rush to purchase said styles).
We here at the office think we might all just go for a nice lie down and try to forget what chaos may currently be unfolding for the poor ladies trying to do their job in the childrenswear department of Harvey Nichols. We just hope Scotland Yard and the Australian Embassy do not need to become involved…
The Fashion Police exposed, or, underexposed. An unfortunate incident indeed. May 01 2013, 10 Comments
As an embarrassing result of the Au Pairs recent foray into the retail world, we regret to inform those of you who have an endearing love for our Bunny of the mischievous kind that said Bunny has had a run in with the boys in blue.
Yes, I deceive you not. Our wee charge has fallen onto the wrong side of the law.(Well, it was only a matter of time and we believe the magistrate will exercise leniency).
You see, as is our wont, Au Pair Jennine (Au Pair Hired Out of Desperation) and myself (Au Pair Shannon aka Au Pair First Hired) were, unfortunately, rather vocal in the presence of a Bunny with rather large ears and a matching tummy on the subject of the faux pas of the fashion kind that are paraded before our very eyes when plying our trade in our little pop up stores.
(All in all, we sometimes get a tad concerned as to what indeed is deemed fashionable or even wearable in shopping centres. Underwear is called underwear for a reason people!)
As a result of our lack of subtlety, Bad Bunny felt the need to get legal advice from the top, from the thin blue line in fact, or if you are prone to watching Pay TV, he rang the cops. Oh yes, Bad Bunny got his little paws on Au Pair Jennine’s (Au Pair Hired Out of Desperation) iPhone when she left it lying temptingly on Nanny’s sideboard, and with said paws deftly poised, he did dial that number that contains naught but three zeros.
And so, the conversation unfolded (according to Police transcript):
Boys in Blue: “Emergency. How can we assist?”
Bad Bunny: “Good afternoon occifer (sic). Why no hello? Are you having a bad day? Nanny always told me to greet people with a friendly hello.”
Boys in Blue: “Do you have an emergency?”
Bad Bunny: “Well, I do indeed. May I please speak to an occifer (sic) from your Fashion Police Department?”
Boys in Blue: “What? We don’t have a Fashion Police Department. Young man, is this some sort of prank. You do realise we can charge you for wasting police time.”
Bad Bunny: “Occifer (sic), this is far from a prank. A very serious offence has been committed. Or so the Au Pairs say. You see I overheard them saying that there are people murdering style and it was about time the Fashion Police did something about it.”
Boys in Blue: “Please get off the line, boy! This number is for emergencies only.”
Bad Bunny: “Really? But clearly there is a need for Fashion Police. Maybe the Au Pairs and me could become fashion detectives. According to the Au Pairs they believe themselves to be terribly stylish. And they are very good at telling people behind their backs that they really shouldn’t wear lycra. I myself look terribly fetching in a uniform and I do so love to wield a baton.
Boys in Blue: “Is there an adult in the room with you? Put them on!”
Bad Bunny: “Well there is a giraffe. Will he do? He is terribly shy though.”
Boys in Blue: “I must insist you hang up the phone now!”
Bad Bunny: “Oh dear, you are having a bad day. You seem so terribly grumpy. Before I go, could I just ask you about capsicum spray? Is it some strange form of salad dressing? I hear it talked about on the news but it never seems to be mentioned in the same sentence as salad. And indeed if you are using capsicum as a way of thwarting villains, surely throwing a capsicum whole, rather than making a salad dressing of it would be far more helpful. And indeed, perhaps not a capsicum, but an overripe banana instead. Much more bang for your buck. Kind of a pie in the face effect with soft banana and then a banana skin on which to slip up said fiend. Two for one. It’s genius. Anyway, I digress…”
Boys in Blue: BEEP BEEP BEEP
Needless to say, Bad Bunny’s dialling rights have been revoked until further notice. And we, Au Pairs First Hired and Hired Our of Desperation have had a dressing down (not a salad kind either) from Nanny Pickle for filling Bad Bunny’s head with nonsense.
Bad Bunny Refutes Nursery Style February 01 2013, 6 Comments
It has come to my attention that the Nursery of Nanny Pickle has unveiled a “Nursery Look of the Week”. This does not sit well with me, as you see surely tis only I, of all the Nursery folk, who has an innate sense of style.
Ok, yes, Au Pair Shannon was once complimented upon as being “styrish” by our Korean friends, but really? At the time she was donning a particularly ragged pair of jeans that exposed through a rip in the posterior her bright orange undergarment.
And, you see, although Madame Coco Chanel was seen as the very doyenne of all things chic and stylish, I do believe this was a media hype up, for who in their right mind could believe that putting everything you wish to wear on, and then taking one thing off would lead to one being the most stylish version of themselves. We all know there is nothing to make one quite the fashionista as an excess of excess.
Yes, you may want to wear your truly bewitching pea coat with your lovely tunic frock, but of course it would not be complete without the addition of fairy wings and some spotty tights. And of course a pair of green wellies. (Even Jamie Oliver, Au Pair Shannon's secret boyfriend, wears them and he's got his own TV show.)
And no buck in his right mind would step out of the Nursery donning just a pair of braced pants and an argyle sweater. Surely a superhero mask and socks and sandals (with braced pants tucked in said socks) can only improve the outfit and take one’s style barometer through the roof.
So you see, with all due respect Au Pairs, and indeed Mme Chanel, I think you may be a little overestimating your abilities in the style department, and in doing so are fooling many an innocent member of the public who deem your advice worthy. Tis me they should adore and take sage advice from. Me. Bad Bunny. Style Guru. Fahionista Extraordinaire. Me. Bad Bunny. Me.
(PS. I wouldn't go criticising my "get up" today Au Pair Jennine. I think your outfit could do with a little more thought! Those shoes do not match your handbag at all.)
Santa's Greatest Fear - Bad Bunny's Letter Arrives At The North Pole December 14 2012, 11 Comments
I am writing to you in an effort to try to make sense of the mystery that surrounds you and your merrymaking in this, the festive season.
You see, up until recently I had been under the misguided impression that your generosity in giving out presents to all the Bad Bunnies of the world was merely because you were a jolly old fellow, as I have always heard you referred to in songs.
It has come to my attention that you actually require some sort of behaviour promise for us to receive said goodies. Could that not be deemed as blackmail (I once saw a blackmailer on an episode of “Law and Order” sent to prison for such an activity…and don’t tell the Au Pairs I was watching, I was supposed to be asleep in bed hours earlier, but after they have had their evening tipple, they sometimes fail to notice my late evening wanderings)?
Now, apparently you have a “Naughty or Good List” upon which all the Bunnies of the world are marked under the appropriate column (and I must add, does not my name put me immediately at a disadvantage?). Firstly, how on Earth can you know what ALL the Bunnies are doing ALL the time? Surely there must be room for error…And secondly isn’t the idea of “good” open to interpretation, and indeed “good” for whom. My behaviour is never anything but great fun for me.
You see, I thought it awfully “good” fun when I decided giraffe would make a particularly delightful Christmas tree once adorned with fairy lights. He was so resplendent in his glowing glory once plugged in…oh you should have seen him, or maybe you did, given you apparently know what ALL the Bunnies are doing ALL the time. However, Au Pair Shannon told me I was being terribly naughty and sent me to the Box of Contemplation. I can only imagine she was upset with me because I did not put her home made Christmas star atop his head (you see, it is terribly ugly, all sticks and red plastic berries, it would have ruined my display).
And I also thought it would be a “good” deed to help Au Pair Jennine on her recent photo shoot. She was shooting the new Spot the Difference Collection and fell asleep (or was that, knocked her head when she fell because of her untied laces (I only untied them to make her more comfortable) and was out cold for a while, not sure which) and I thought to help her channel her creative energy, I would make her face and arms all spotty to match. I thought it would help her focus. When she awoke she went an awfully strange shade of purple.
So you see Santa, I am in a bit of a quandary as to what exactly is required of me to receive the bounty I am due. You can write me at the Nursery of Nanny Pickle. Just address it to Bad Bunny. I am terribly clever, and though only four, do know how to read and type.
PS And by the way who, indeed, are you to say what is deemed as “naughty or good” when your very likeness was created by a greedy, planet raping, obesity contributing, evil corporate giant of the Cola variety. The fact you allow your representation to have been invented by such a money hungry beast. Should that not be deemed as “naughty”? Or in the very least “not good”?
Given your influence over Bunnies of the youthful kind should you not wish to be associated with more wholesome activity? Everyone knows Cola rots your teeth, and it’s only redeeming feature is it’s inordinate ability to clean copper coins.
So, ye of the red and white suit so astonishingly close to the branding of aforementioned Cola, I ask you reassess the bribery upon which you deign to gift give or not.
Not so much luff anymore,
PPS Unless, of course, you do indeed bring me everything on my wish list, then, like Oprah, we can be friends again.
"Today in The Nursery" by Bad Bunny. A restrospective posting of the meteorological kind. December 01 2012, 10 Comments
Today in The Nursery by Bad Bunny. A restrospective posting of the meteorological kind.
Every now and then we come across a literary gem that we had forgotten about. Here is Bad Bunny relaying his conversation with a Forecaster from The Bureau of Meteorology.
"Today in the Nursery" by Bad Bunny
Au Pair Jennine is complaining because it has been raining for 5 days and she can't take photographs for the website.
So, I called the weatherman and ordered some nice weather for her. The weatherman said he would see what he could do. I also asked him a few questions that I have always wanted to know the answers to:
1. When it rains cats and dogs how do the dogs cope? Everyone knows that cats always land on their feet but what of the poor dogs?
2. It is any particular breed of cat or dog that it normally rains? I can imagine most dogs would like the rain but cats don't seem very fussed with getting wet. What breed of cat is most common?
3. Are the cats at least equipped with some sort of wet weather gear?
4. Could you name the next cyclone after me? After all, Nanny Pickle often refers to me as a force of nature.
5. I heard Nanny Pickle once say that Mrs Harris next door was full of wind. Mrs Harris's hair is never windblown, it always looks terribly neat, so how could this be? Should I ask Mrs Harris herself?
I did have other questions but the weatherman said he had to go. They must be really busy in that office.