I hope you get better soon, Oprah. The final instalment in a series of 9. November 01 2012, 57 Comments
What a sojourn this has been indeed, o' fair and gentle reader. Like Aunt Dot and her unlikely posse in Rose Macaulay's "The Towers of Trebizond" we have set off into the blue yonder with camel and headache powders at hand. And in all honesty, haven't the highs been moderate and the falls monumental? In fact this story has seen more falls than the Italian soccer team in a World Cup decider, for the want of a better analogy.
How the Au Pairs have tried to excuse, blame, apologise for and ignore Bad Bunny's antics and how Bad Bunny has risen to the challenge of growing an ego the size of Norman Foster's "Gherkin" in London, is the mettle legends are made of.
So sit back and enjoy the final installment in this 9 part series....all three of you who have been following it.
I feel that I can call you Oprah these days, after all, we have been corresponding for some time now.
On that note, I don’t seem to have received your RSVP for the high tea party. Perhaps your assistant has forgotten to pop it in the post? Nanny Pickle often tells the Au Pairs, especially Au Pair Jennine, that good staff are so very hard to find.
Just because we are famous, Oprah, doesn’t mean we don’t suffer the slings and sparrows of everyday Bunnies or people. If ever you need a hand with staffing your office let me know. Some of my Meadow Friends might be able to help you out. Of course, we would have to have adjoining offices with views and one of those electric pencil sharpeners.
Imagine us working side by side…
Also, I notice that you have not “liked” me on Facebook nor are you following me on Twitter. Don’t be shy! People will find out eventually that we are BBFF’s (Best Bunny Friends Forever). Perhaps this way we just let people know softly so that they don’t get jealous. I mean, I can’t be friends with everyone now can I?
Looking over everything now I realise that I have not received many answers at all to many of my questions. I am thinking that this is because either Au Pair Shannon has been posting my letters to The Ellen Show instead of The Oprah Show, which may well be the case, or, you have had an operation that has left you with a massive bandage going all the way around your head….you know like in Days of Our Lives when they have a car accident and then they reveal their new face and they look really different.
I hope you get better soon Oprah. Let me know if you need anything.
I will get my people to talk to your people as to what may have happened to your correspondence to me. Giraffe and Chicken will get to the bottom of it all. They are very good at detective work.
I will wait by the post box for your reply…. hopefully it will stop raining. It’s not nice being water logged when you are a Bunny.
(To date, The Nursery of Nanny Pickle is yet to recieve any corresponance from Ms Winfrey or her legal staff which is a relief to Nanny Pickle and the Au Pairs. Bad Bunny, it would seem, has turned his attentions to one Ms Ellen Degeneres...who apparently still has a show so therefore must be a bigger and better celebrity than Oprah anyway.)
Oprah, we have sent Bad Bunny to The Box of Contemplation - Part 8 in a series October 01 2012, 53 Comments
You are by now, dear reader, either completely engrossed or completely comatose by the seemingly never ending game of literary badminton that is unfolding. Either way, The Nursery Staff would like to reassure assure all who wend their way through the afore mentioned digital ramblings, that these are actual correspondences sent to Ms Winfrey, herself. We dare say she has never read them nor even knows of our existence but what fun ensued in their writing....only you and The Nursery Staff know!
Dear Miss Winfrey,
The relentless pursuit of your good self by our errant Bunny is now becoming beyond reproach. In an effort to impede any further untoward ramblings being inflicted on your most celebrated person, we have assigned Bad Bunny to the Box of Contemplation for the duration.
Please do not fret, this is in no way a tool of torture, but merely what it claims to be - a box upon which to contemplate one’s actions.
We again find ourselves in the regrettable position of feeling the need to apologise for the aforesaid relentless ramblings from our Bad Bunny, and again, by way of good will (with perhaps just a hint of one’s attempt to ingratiate one’s self to you) we enclose a wee gift for your pleasure.
Nanny Pickle takes much delight in creating her gorgeous collections and in the process hopes to educate all and sundry in the ways of proper etiquette and good old fashioned manners. It is clear however, in the case of Bad Bunny, these attempts are oft ill-conceived.
Yours in most extreme humility,
Au Pair Shannon (First Hired) and Au Pair Jennine (Hired out of Desperation)
(See below for confirmation of Bad Bunny's ostracism to The Box of Contemplation)
Oprah, do you think Stedman would mind if I moved in? Part 7 in a series September 01 2012, 25 Comments
In the vein of Tolstoy's masterpiece "War and Peace" but not as literary worthy, we bring you the seventh part in our seemingly endless one sided anthology. The question at hand it would seem is whether or not the Queen of TV, Ms Oprah Winfrey herself, could tolerate cohabitating with her "wanna be" muse, Bad Bunny. With headache powders and good gin at the ready, we launch into what one can only hope, will be one of the last instalments is this series.
Dear Miss Winfrey,
It is with great excitement that I send this wee package to you, as your trip to Australia looms closer. What a meeting of the minds it will be. For like you, I am often misunderstood as the previous letter sent to you by Au Pair Shannon and Au Pair Jennine shows.
I mean, really, I know we need to keep our friendship and mutual admiration within the “fold” so to speak, but, it would seem that The Nursery Staff at Nanny Pickle have completely misunderstood just what great friends we are.
This brings me to the high tea party, that, I am throwing in honour of our blossoming friendship. I have been madly signing some Bad Bunny merchandise that you can take home with you when you leave Australia. It is always great to have souvenirs of the places that you have travelled to and the people you have met. I don’t want you to be sad about the fact that we don’t live next door to each other. Wow! Wouldn’t that be great! If we were neighbours, you wouldn’t need the life size cut out picture of me that I have had to prepare for you. You could just see me every day.
I know that “familiarity breeds contempt” because Nanny Pickle is always telling me to make myself scarce. I figure that is so she can understand how much she misses me when she sees me again. Being an adult sure is complicated.
Will you miss me when you leave Australia Oprah? I know I will miss you but being a Bunny makes me cuter and more easy to cuddle. Perhaps it would be better if I just went home with you? It might make things easier for you. I would hate you to have to go and see Doctor Phil because of me. I have heard that saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” but I don’t think it really would apply in this case because I fear you may just get very sad when we are apart.
Do you think Stedman would mind if I moved in?
My only problem then would be what to do with all of the sad people here at The Nursery of Nanny Pickle.
I will have to think long and hard about all of this. Gosh, being a celebrity sure has its moments. I am sure you are learning all about this
I am off to check how my Meadow Friends are going with the construction of the firework display that I am working on for our tea party. I have had them fashion a huge effigy of me, Bad Bunny, for your viewing pleasure.
"We feel we may be in need of legal assistance" - Part 6 in a series of "How we wooed Oprah"....well kind of. August 01 2012, 0 Comments
Hang on in there, it is nearly all over. As we move towards the end of this literary quagmire, we start to see the tables turn ever so slightly. Are the Au Pairs really asking for Camp Winfrey to fold and publicly acknowledge said Bunny? Surely they would not stoop to such depths as to seek endorsement of some kind from the Queen of TV herself? Has Nanny Pickle taught them nothing? It would appear that much has gone in one ear and out the other in this instance. O, hark, the sounds of desperation ensue.
Dear Miss Winfrey,
We feel, at this point, we may be needing the services of someone in the law fraternity. I believe you refer to them as “attorneys”. The familiar manner our endearing Bad Bunny is adopting with his correspondence with your good self is becoming rather worrisome. Please do understand he is in no way dangerous, or indeed stalker like. He is only two, and in his imaginative two year old mind, he does indeed have a true and meaningful friendship with you.
In no way can he understand that he is merely a bunny far from the ilk of your most celebrated self. Although we do try to teach him the value of modesty and humility, these words are not ones that fall easily from his tongue, nor sit easily on his shoulders. For in his fancy, he is of world renown – much loved, adored, adulated and worshiped.
Thus, his bold and impudent advances are merely as a result of his whimsy. If it should please you, we do believe we can put a halt to his postings if you did in some way acknowledge his past missives. If Bad Bunny were indeed able to boast to his Meadow Friends (who are not actually real) that he has had a direct correspondence from you, we may well be able to put to rest his incessant badgering of you. (Indeed, it would be of great solace to us all, as to not have to listen to his ramblings of all you have in common…).
Should you find it in your heart to calm the frayed nerves of two very strained Au Pairs, perhaps even a mention of him on your highly anticipated show when you are on our fair shores of Australia, or indeed a brief mention of him in your most celebrated of magazines – O Magazine. For Bad Bunny, the likes of such accession would without doubt, be as exciting as meeting Santa.
Yours in much modesty,
Au Pair Jennine and Au Pair Shannon
(More product sent....yadda, yadda, yadda. Met with the same enthusiasm as all previous gifts bestowed unto the Harpo Studios....stone cold silence she blows!)
High Tea with Oprah - Bad Bunny's pie in the sky hopes. Part 5 in a series July 01 2012, 0 Comments
Oh, the to and fro. Oh, the literary tete a tete that ensues as Bad Bunny attempts to lure Camp Winfrey into his tree house for cake and a chat about his favourite subject. Is there a slight sense of desperation in his tone? Is Dr Phil more famous than Oprah? Should Bad Bunny be given more structure in his day to stop his mind and prolific typing paw getting The Nursery into so much trouble?
(I feel like I know you well enough to be on a first term basis. Please feel free to call me Bad Bunny….Master sounds so formal)
I really am indeed so glad that we are friends. I mean whom else could I speak to about the trials and tribulations of fame? We have so much in common. Do we not?
Although Au Pair Shannon and Au Pair Jennine mean well I feel that they fail to understand exactly the amount of pressure we, meaning you and I, are under being in the public eye.
Only the other day Nanny Pickle told me I was getting too big for my boots. I explained that this was part and parcel of being famous and that Au Pair Shannon had already explained that reading all of my fan mail on Facebook was giving me a big head. So why not big feet? In my case, paws, but you get my meaning, right?
Anyway, I am presuming you have been too busy deciding what the wear to the High Tea Party to answer my questions on Facebook. I understand also if you want to keep our friendship private, as people do get jealous. Don’t worry too much about your attire for the event as being famous means that we look fabulous all the time.
Nanny Pickle told me I was a sight for sore eyes the other morning when I was wanting to find the hammer from my tool kit. I must have looked very good and it was only 4:30 in the morning! At least Nanny’s response was a bit easier to understand than Au Pair Shannon, who muttered something about rabbits feet and lucky charms.
Anyway I digress, dress as you wish and bring a friend….perhaps Gayle would like to join us for High Tea in my Tree House. I would have had High Tea on the roof but my Tree House is as far as I am allowed off the ground even though Au Pair Jennine told me I had my head in the clouds over breakfast yesterday. Sometimes I think The Nursery Staff need to watch more of your show.
Yours in all things truly famous and fabulous,
P.S: I have enclosed a wee bit of merchandise from my fan club. I thought you could show Dr Phil…I like him too. Is he more famous than you? Just wondering.
(At this stage of events Camp Winfrey sent via their counsel an invoice for the storage required for "gifting".)